{Gay. Straight. Doesn’t matter!}

So some interesting, and what I consider exciting, things have happened in the past week in regards to human rights.
One) In California, Prop 8 got rules unconstitutional.
and
Two) Washington state ruled that same-sex marriage is legal.

These are two big things for the GLBT community. Huge.

Let me start at the beginning. I am not gay, but I am friends with many people who are. That list includes my best friend, so things regarding the GLBT community hit close to home. While I attended Purdue, I was a member of ALLY, the group of straight students allying with the GLBT community on campus, and as such, on the QSUB, Queer Student Union Board as rep of ALLY. I spent many breaks between classes in our office with my gay friends. I spent much of my free time off campus hanging out with them, too. I have THE.BEST.EVER. memories of my time at Purdue and am especially fond and proud of the time I spent with all the people in the aforementioned groups and any tiny difference I may have made to the fight and to their lives. I know they hugely impacted me for the better and most of them continue to do so today, because 4 years out of college, I still keep in touch regularly with many of them.

Now here’s my “rant”…

I get that not everyone is “for gay marriage/rights”. But why!? There are still people in this country who would still like segregation to exist. Or women to not have rights. Or many other things that you would go “WHY DO THEY THINK THAT WAY STILL?! IT’S 2012!!!” over. But we fight them, right? The way I see it is that whether you think “being gay” is right or wrong (religiously or otherwise), those people you’re trying to keep “locked down”? Yeah. Them. THEY’RE STILL HUMAN BEINGS. Meaning, they deserve the same things in life that any other human being typically wants. To not walk down the street and get punched in the face for being yourself. (Yes, this has happened to numerous gay friends. Including my best friend. So it strikes a big cord with me.) Someone to fall in love with. Someone to spend life with. Someone to come home to every night. To be able to have a family. To be able to walk the streets without being judged…or taunted…or insulted. To be able to buy a home, deal with taxes, etc. AS A COUPLE, instead of working the system because “gay isn’t allowed in the system”.

The way I see it, they deserve equal rights, not because they’re special, but because they’re normal! And they’re human beings! And every picked on kid in elementary school who is judged because they are different will tell you that ALL humans, regardless of race/sex/creed/etc. deserve to be treated the same.

So you may see more posts like this. About the GLBT community and their fight to be treated the same as the rest of the world. Because it bothers me that anyone feels we can treat a person as less than human.

It’s getting better. Yet it’s a massive battle for human rights that isn’t close to being over. I hope I get to see the day that this battle ends. And that my best friend will be able to meet the love of his life and get married wherever he wants, and live a normal life, because it’s okay finally to do so.

What things in life get you “all riled up”? Because this is definitely on my list…

{The Bucket List}

I’ve been meaning to write down all the those “things I want to do before I die” moments. I talk about them and have them in my head, but have never posted them or written them anywhere. So I’m sharing with you. I know I’m missing some (that’s what happens when a list is only kept mentally), and I’m sure the list will grow, but the ones that immediately popped back into my head are posted. You can see them at the top of the page, or you can go here.

What are the things YOU want to accomplish in your life?

{The roadblock in my brain}

I’m still feeling like a n00b when it comes to blogging and writing. How do I come up with posts? Keep people entertained? Get followers? WHY WOULD YOU EVEN WANT TO READ ABOUT ANYTHING I SAY!? *deep breath*

So I’m working on it. Working on how to fancy up my every day life stories. Getting back into the swing of what I used to be just fine and dandy and decent at – writing!

Today, this has been making the rounds:

Kids. Ladies. Gents. THIS IS SIMPLY HILARIOUS!!! I’ve watched it numerous times and each time I still laugh just as hard. And hard enough that tears come to my eyes. It is like all those crazy reaction videos you see on YouTube that you’re pretty sure are made up…because, seriously, who reacts that way?! Except this video is really Kristen Bell’s reaction! TO SLOTHS! Thanks, Ellen, for making this happen. And then for making it even better by telling her a sloth was coming into the room and proving that she really does cry about things in excitement.

If you have any other silly things to make me laugh, please share the links! And if you want me to write something in particular, let me know. I’m writing for people to read, so I might as well occasionally write what you want to spend time reading.

{What would you do if you only had one day? Week? Month?}

“When you get those rare moments of clarity, those flashes when the universe makes sense, you try desperately to hold on to them. They are the life boats for the darker times, when the vastness of it all, the incomprehensible nature of life is completely illusive. So the question becomes, or should have been all a long… What would you do if you knew you only had one day, or one week, or one month to live. What life boat would you grab on to? What secret would you tell? What band would you see? What person would you declare your love to? What wish would you fulfil? What exotic locale would you fly to for coffee? What book would you write?”
-Narrator ‘One Week’

This is the question posed by the movie One Week.

I had put this particular movie in my Netflix Instant Queue ages ago. Mostly because it’s main character is played by Joshua Jackson, who I’ve always particularly liked (I mean, duh, the Mighty Ducks trilogy, Dawson’s Creek, Cruel Intentions?! LOVE HIM!). I decided last night that it was the one I wanted to watch. I went in entirely unassuming. I hadn’t read about it. I didn’t remember it being released a few years ago. But, man oh man…this movie is breathtaking…

I won’t go into anything more than what you’d read about it if you click over to IMDB, but Joshua Jackson plays Ben Tyler. Ben finds out that he has stage IV cancer in the opening sequence and the movie is about his reaction to that news. The way they filmed this movie is nothing short of spectacular and beautiful. It focuses largely on the photographs he takes, physically and mentally, while on his journey, which, of course, made it even more meaningful to me as a photographer.

On top of being beautifully acted, directed, and filmed – this is a movie that will get you thinking. What WOULD you do if it was your last day/week/month? Where would you go? Who would you make sure you spent time with or called up? Would you want to stay with those you love? Or would you take a trip to fulfill a lifelong dream? Hopefully few of us ever have to make that decision, but because this movie makes you think about that very possible reality in life, it’s hard to not think about what you yourself would do if placed in Ben’s shoes.

I feel insignificant when I look at the big picture of life. I don’t feel like I have a massive impact on the world. I don’t know that there are tons of people that would miss me if I’m gone. But I know that, as my last post said, I’m not living out my hopes and dreams to their entirety. For many years, I’ve focused on the happiness of everyone around me with very little focus on my own completeness. This year is going to change that. And this movie helped me feel motivated to do just what I’ve said I want to do. Because you never know if tomorrow, next week, or next month will be your last – I want to live each day like tomorrow won’t come. To live life to it’s fullest capacity. To make my heart full and happy.

And I leave you with the final quote from the movie. Written on a chalk board. Simply and beautifully.

“To strive, to seek, to find, and not to yield.”
-from ‘Ulysses’ by Lord Alfred Tennyson

This is my goal for 2012 and beyond…

{It’s 2012 – and has been for a month…almost}

It’s a new year. I did a HORRENDOUS job of starting up blogging again last year. This year WILL be different. There’s a whole lot of good coming to me this year. I can feel it. I’m wishing it so. I’m taking action to make it so. And, well, I’m coming back in a year and telling you, “Hells yeah, world. My 2012 was the best year of my life! Go me!”

Why I want to blog more…
I used to blog at least daily. Sometimes more. I loved it. I was passionate about it. I have an ENGLISH degree for pete’s sake! Somewhere, some way, some how, I’ve got to get back to things that I love that are just for me. I’ve spent years dedicating so much time to making sure other people in my world got what they needed out of me. Now I’m doing things for me to make me happy because I deserve it. And I’m doing it regardless of others feelings about it. Because, just like Samantha says in SatC, “I love you, but I love me more.” And I’ve got to take care of me.

Why 2012 is my year…
I’m going to follow my dreams. I’m going to work for the company I’ve been wanting to work for for six years. I’m going to move out of Indiana. I’m going to become a west coast girl and hit up L.A. with my best friend, Dustin. The modern day (and more awesome) Will and Grace, we are. I’m going to write out my bucket list and start checking off the boxes. I’m going to sort out my photography into a more solid business plan that helps it succeed even better and more steadily than it has been. I’m going to visit D.C. (where I’ve wanted to return since that 8th grade history trip) and New Orleans (which I’ve never been to – and is on that bucket list in my head – Geaux Saints! Hello, Drew Brees!) in the next two months. I’m going to go out on dates. Find someone special. ‘A’ may have broken my heart 5 years ago, but that was not, and is not, the be all end all. There is someone perfect for me out there and loving myself and focusing on me is going to help me be ready for that amazing man. I’m going to road trip with Elle from Indiana to California. I’m going to hold my childhood best friend’s baby (oh yeah, Noley, I’m lookin’ at you, kiddo). I’m going to lose the weight…and keep that shit OFF!
Moral of the story: I’m going to love me more – focus on what makes me happy and helps me accomplish my hopes and dreams and do whatever it takes and is within my willpower to make those things happen.

Why now…
I’m 28, people! This is not where I thought I’d be, where I wanted to be living, what I wanted to be doing, etc. etc. etc. when I was 28. That’s not to say that I regret where I’m at. I’ve had some great things happen to me. Great opportunities. Things that came out of a broken and hurt place that turned out to be exactly what I needed to become exactly who I am today – which is pretty amazing. But, damn, I have got to get a move on finally doing the stuff I’ve been putting off for 5 years.

So, 2012, bring. it. on. You are 5 years in the making…or should I say, waiting…and you shall wait no longer. You ARE going to be awesome. Because we’re going to make you awesome. Because, in the words of Barney on my now favorite teevee show HIMYM (How I Met Your Mother): “When I’m sad, I stop being sad, and be awesome instead.”

Awesome, here I come.

{Not your average Tuesday…}

It’s November. Maybe there’s something about today. No, there’s definitely something. I just can’t put my finger on it. Today has sucked. Epically.

I wish I could say it was one specific thing, but I’d be lying.
I’m so far behind in work that I feel like catching up is impossible.
I’m not happy right now where I am…Indiana, the day job, etc…and today didn’t help that.
I am having personal issues with M that seem to just be compounding themselves daily…and, oh, how I wish things were different with that one.
It’s heading into winter and that always makes me feel glum…it doesn’t matter that Christmas is my favorite…cold/ice/snow are my least favorite things.
I’m trying to figure out D, but thats about as easy as figuring out myself…aka Impossible. Frustrating. Guarded.

Needless to say, I’m no fun today. I’m sorry. But then again I’m not really sorry. We all have bad days and I just choose to live my days, good and bad, out on the Internet.

Here’s tomorrow. Please treat me better.
Sincerely,
Dawn

{Pretty Woman vs The World}

“When people put you down enough, you start to believe it. The bad stuff is easier to believe. Ever noticed that?” -Julia Roberts “Pretty Woman”

How true is that statement? Right?! I dated A through much of college. We were together almost 4 years after being friends for a year before that. At that age, that’s pretty serious. Hell, at any age, that’s pretty serious. I thought he was “the one”…if such a thing exists. Then my heart got ripped out of my chest and stomped on when he left me for someone else (yes, there was cheating on his part…).

That was 4 1/2 years ago and I haven’t dated anyone since. I haven’t been asked out on a date. There has been no real interest in that whole time either. In that time I have wondered about myself as I’ve watched other relationships happen around me. People who have met, dated, and gotten married in the time I’ve been single. People who I (albeit, selfishly and self-centeredly) don’t understand how they can find someone when I can’t. I wonder how a man can look at me – someone who is self-motivated, without debt (aside from school loans), able to take care of herself, a good cook, usually prefers watching sports, is into technology, etc., etc. – and not be at least intrigued. I get that I am not the skinny model girl. Even when I’m in my best shape, I’ve never been that model girl. I’m the girl with curves, but I’m not hideously ugly or extremely overweight – I am feminine.

I’ve had guy friends tell me how awesome they think I am, but in the next breath tell me that I’ll never find someone because I’m: too independent. too outgoing. too this. too that. not enough whatever. and on and on and on. And, you know what, Julia Roberts is right…it’s WAY easier to listen to the second part of their argument than the first. It’s way easier to overlook the reasons why I may be perfect for someone eventually, and look straight at the reasons I’m currently (and for so long now) alone. It’s really easy to be discouraged.

I don’t know when/if I’ll find “him”…”the one”… I really don’t. I try to live every day to make myself as happy as I can possibly make myself. I hide these “inadequate” feelings behind a veil of sarcasm and humor. I put up walls so that if I ever do find someone, they’re going to have to want to stick around and break those walls down. I know I don’t make it easy for anyone to become “the one”…but that’s because I once thought I had been there and it ended up burning me worse than anything in my life and it’s impossible to completely bounce back from that.

So how do you do it? How do you block out more of the “bad comments” than the “good ones”? Make it able for yourself to move on? I’m in a good spot in life. I’m proud of where I’ve come in the past four years and everything that I’ve become and how much I’ve accomplished. I am Dawn. I make no apologies for who I’ve become, because I think I’m pretty damn awesome. I just want someone else to think I’m pretty damn awesome, too. Is that so much to ask?

{First Post Epicness}

I’ve got to get back to writing. I miss it. I do a little bit of it over at the photo site, but it never quite satisfies my desire to just share my opinion on things and personal life experiences.

So, keep posted. Put it in your RSS feed. Link it up on your site. Do what you have to. But stay tuned! This ball is just getting a tiny slow rolling start.